the place i am going

All this week (well, not just this week, right?) I've been working through some important issues.  I've been struggling to decide what...how...how much to share here on my blog.  See, this is a personal space for me, but it is also a public forum.  Anyone, anywhere can read the words I commit to this space.  And, so, there are probably few words I will actually share here to describe the place I have been, but I will talk about the place I am going.

In addition to the challenges of my waking hours, my dreaming mind has also been holding on to a lot of past hurts and fears.  It has been a hard week (again... well,not just this week, right?). 

But last night, with my two best friends at a very special concert, I felt God directing me to let go.  I could feel Him telling me that He knows I didn't know what His plans were, but that His plans were still good.  That I don't need those hurts and fears of the past.  That I can truly move forward.  That my only job then was to be obedient, and that was what I did.  That letting go is not the same thing as failing or giving up.  Rather, in the letting go, I am just letting God take over.  I have done my part, and my part is done. 

One of the songs that spoke to me very powerfully was "Say My Name" by an artist I had never previously heard, Lindsay McCaul.  Here were the words that really grabbed my attention:

"Looking back for one more glance

never made a second chance,

I cradle the pain; regret that remains.

I play it over and over, differently

But it's over 'cause You said I am free.

You say my name

and tell me I can walk away

from all my fears and yesterday

I can hear You calling.

You say my name

and tell me there's a better place,

Lead me to Your sweet embrace..."

Another song that really resonated withing me was "We Are the Broken," by Matthew West.  Here are a few of those words:

"Most my life I’ve been doing my best to

Try and hide anything less than perfect

I covered up all my scars

I gotta make them think I’ve got it together

Make believe nobody ever has to see

What I keep in the dark

Truth is, I was wrong

That’s the part that you have wanted all along.

We are, we are, we are the broken

But we are, we are, we are the chosen

So come on shine, shine, shine

Your beautiful light

Through the cracks inside our hearts tonight

‘Cause we are, we are, we are the broken"

See, the place I have been has been has been broken, and the place I am going... the place God is leading me...that is a place of healing.  If you look for them, you would probably still be able to see those broken lines, but if you look closer you can see they are mending by God's own hand.