Giving Thanks

I received an email the other day, and I wanted to share the content here:

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Something to ponder . . . . .

"What if God only blessed you today with what you thanked Him for yesterday?"

Giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:20

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This seems to me like a very good thought to remember as we are all gathering for this holiday we call "Thanksgiving."  Thanksgiving should be more than one day on a calendar.  Thanksgiving should mean a way of living that is centered around giving thanks.

Earlier this week I also heard a couple of people talking (actually, sort of complaining) about Thanksgiving and that other day many Americans participate in called Black Friday.  It wasn't an invalid point... that it seems wrong to follow up the day we are giving thanks for all we have with another day focused on, well, greed.  What was sad, though, was how this practice of some has influenced this woman's entire view on Thanksgiving.  We simply cannot allow the world, and the views and practices of some people, to take away from what is precious.  I've heard some people talk about keeping Christmas in their hearts all year through.  Let's also keep Thanksgiving in our hearts all year through!

What if God only blessed you today with what you thanked Him for yesterday?

Happy Thanksgiving!  Happy Giving Thanks!

had to share this!

Gotcha Day

You may or may not be familiar with the term "Gotcha Day."  Chances are, if you are a member of the adoption community, as we are, then you know that Gotcha Day is the term many families choose to celebrate the day they were united with their adopted child.  If you've never heard this term before, now you get it, right?  Gotcha Day means parents can say to their child, "That is the day we got you!" 

So, if you haven't guessed it yet, we are getting ready to celebrate Hope's Gotcha Day.  Tomorrow, in fact!  This is the 3rd Anniversary of the day we finally met our daughter, Hope, in person.  The day we were united with her in Ethiopia.

Obviously, if you are reading this, then you probably know our family or at least our family's story.  So it is no surprise to anyone when I mention that this day 3 years ago we were also meeting Eli for the first time.  You may be wondering, does this Gotcha Day make me sad?  Well... by God's Grace, the answer is not really.  You already know that we needed to move Eli to a new home, and that decision was best for him and our other children as well.  This year has already seen it's share of sadness, more than it's fair share in fact.  So, instead of feeling sad that he is no longer here, or dwelling on the loss, I am choosing to allow God to fill my heart with other things.  Like peace, knowing that we did the obedient thing in bringing him out of Ethiopia, and the best thing in letting him go.  And like gratitude, that we still have our son Geoffrey and our daughter Hope.  And, even wonder that God chose to use us to accomplish His will for Eli, even though we were asked to do something that turned out to be so difficult for us.

For Hope, the celebration has already begun.  The other day, when I explained the idea of Gotcha Day to Hope, she became very excited!  While I did have to explain how Gotcha Day is different from a birthday, Hope quickly understood the reason for the celebration, and she just could not wait for Gotcha Day to come.  In fact, we ended up making a paper chain to help her count down the days! 

In talking with Hope about how to celebrate this special occasion, she did ask if she could have a cake.  So, of course, our Gotcha Day tomorrow will include cake.  Earlier today, Hope & I baked the cake together (a pink cake, of course!) and later we will add the frosting together as well.  Her dad presented her with flowers a few minutes ago (the first bouquet Hope has received... cute!), which she loved!  She did also say, of her flowers, "These are mine, not Mommy's!?!"  She was just so tickled to get those flowers!

The collage at the top of this post is something I had made for Hope for her Gotcha Day.  The photos include ones of each of us holding her for the very first time.  Also included are some pictures taken in the region where Hope was born in Ethiopia. 

Because I respect Hope's ownership of her story, I rarely share with people details about her past, including her birth family or the reason she was available for adoption.  Hope does have a beautiful story, a story of God's protection and purpose, but it is not mine... it is hers.  So, I hold on to her story for her, so that she can tell it herself one day if she chooses.  I do tell Hope's story to her, picture a "Once Upon a Time" sort of way, and she is aware that the little baby girl I am speaking of when I tell her story is herself.  I can say that the young girl photographed with us, and the beautiful woman pictured in the collage, are both an important part of Hope's story.  We are forever grateful to them for the care they gave our daughter.

I can remember the moments before Hope was brought into the room for the first time.  We had been at the orphanage for about an hour already, asking questions of the director, and waiting to meet the kids for the first time.  I was so nervous.  When the nanny placed Hope in my arms, she was crying.  I like telling Hope that part of our story because it is real.  She was a ten-month old baby at the time.  It was normal that she would cry when leaving the arms of someone familiar.  But I can say with all honesty, that our bond was natural and effortless after that moment.  It was as if our hearts already knew each other.  I know I am Hope's Mother, in every way, and she knows it as well. 

We are a regular family, who came to be together in an unusual way.  Adoption is certainly very close to our hearts, but it is not something we think about every moment of our days.  That's because we are just us!  A mom & a dad, and our son and our daughter.  Our kids are both with us for different reasons (one by birth and one by adoption), but they are both our kids!  But we are forever thankful that God brought us to the path of adoption, because without that, we would not have our Hope!

Hope is a remarkable girl.  She has a very joyful spirit.  When she was a baby, we used to call her "Happy Hopie," in fact.  Hope is the sort of person who just draws others to herself, and I know God has something very special planned for her future.  While I earlier stated that we don't think about adoption every moment of the day, I can say that I am always aware, in those quiet moments, of how different life would have been without this particular girl being here.  Thankful is not a big enough word!

Just the other day, Hope was having a conversation with a gentleman she knows at the Y, and she started telling him about the cake (since we were just heading to the store to buy ingredients).  I asked her to share the reason why we were going to be making a cake.  She enthusiastically exclaimed "GOTCHA DAY!"  At this point in the conversation, I needed to explain what "Gotcha Day" is.  I very simply stated that Gotcha Day was the celebration of the day that we adopted Hope from Ethiopia.  After leaving our conversation, this man was so moved that he sent out an email to the staff describing my daughter and her joyful spirit.  Another staff member shared his words (to my surprise!) with me later in the week.  About Hope, he said, "When you see Hope, you will understand why Hope is not merely her name but her destiny."  I couldn't say it better myself.

I am honored to be your Mommy.  Happy Gotcha Day, Hope!

The last thing I will share here is a short video of Hope talking about her upcoming Gotcha Day.  Precious would be the word to describe this!  (Listen for her pronunciation of the word 'Ethiopia.')

Not a Hair Blog, but... Here's Hope's School Picture Day Hair Reveal

So, as promised a few days ago, here are some photos of Hope on her (very first) school picture day.  Lest anyone think I was the driving force behind any of the decisions regarding Hope's appearance for that day, let me just say this:  Hope is a very "girly girl" and she l-o-v-e-s choosing clothes, hair accessories, shoes, etc.  Her hairstyle was also her choice, and the choice began with a VERY cute headband she selected at the store.  From there, we talked about possible styles that would work with the headband and decided on small braids (with beads, of course!).  Hope also chose her clothes for picture day, and insisted on wearing her pink cowboy boots with the outfit.  Who could argue with such style?

Again, I find myself wondering where a Mom could

go to find pink cowboy boots, too?

She is certainly looking Fabulous!  (And, yes, she knows it!)

And, how could she resist showing off a twirl?

So, as far as the hair goes... Hope is wearing small box braids, which is a very long-lasting hairstyle for us, and that is a plus!  For anyone who likes to know the count, she has more than 100 this time.  She will likely keep these braids in for a month, possibly longer.  Another plus is that this style is very versatile, meaning we can do a lot of different things with her hair when she is wearing these type of braids.  For example, she has already worn the braids in low braided pigtails twice.  And, today she chose another headband (this one a simple cloth headband) and I pulled some of the braids from the front back so they wouldn't dangle in her face.  Because Hope's hair has gotten so long, even having beads on the braids won't limit much of what we might want to do with them (like ponytails and such), but I will probably take the beads out after a couple of weeks.  That will allow me to do even more with the braids, like french braiding them and more.  Stay tuned for highlights at the end of our month with these braids.

hair time = time together

Lately, Hope & I have been hearing a lot more comments than usual about her hair.  Without necessarily meaning to, some people are sounding a bit more critical about her hairstyles and our hair care routines--if I have reset the style, they seem to say something about how I always have her hair different (which actually isn't true since I tend to favor longer-wearing styles), or always popular are comments about the length of time it must take to style her hair (and how patient she must be to let me do that, as if it is for me).  A lady told Hope just today how she is so lucky that I take care of her hair.  I couldn't help but wonder whether this woman has ever said that to other little girls... for example, maybe a little white girl whose mom is also white, or maybe a little black girl whose mother is also black.  I wouldn't ever want Hope to think of my care of her in that way--she is not lucky that I take care of her... I am blessed to be able to take care of her!

Other mothers (you know, the ones people aren't noticing all the time) take care of their children's hair without anyone giving it a second thought.  Sort of like they give their children baths, help them learn to brush their teeth, wash their little faces & hands, etc.  Hair care is something all moms do, not just moms of children who happen to be black.  But, black hair care is definitely different because the hair needs are different.  Not better or worse, just different.  Yes, it takes longer to properly care for Hope's hair than it would if my daughter was white like her mother.  And, no... we don't mind that! 

I do understand that people have some curiosity about us where Hope's hair is concerned.  The most common thing they wonder is if I do Hope's hair myself.  To be honest, this notion that anyone other than Hope's mother would be the one doing her hair cracks me up!  She's my daughter... of course I do her hair.  Again I do find myself wondering whether other moms (you know, the ones who are the same color as their daughters) would ever be asked, "Do you do her hair?"  I am Hope's mom... it never occurred to me not to learn how to properly care for her hair.  It's not like I'm going to "hire out" my daughter's hair care (would those other moms?).

So, here's the thing people don't realize.  It's the name of this post:  hair time = time together.  How could this be a bad thing?  The time we spend together on hair day is actually pleasant--we enjoy it and we like being together.  It is the stuff bonding is made of! 

The other neat thing is how involved Hope is getting in the decisions about her hair.  She contributes more and more to choosing what style she will wear.  She also chooses the beads for her hair if we'll be using them.  She is really trying to learn how to load the beads onto the beader, too.  Recently, she chose exactly how she wanted her hair to look for Halloween, down to selecting the exact bead pattern she wanted for her braids. 

I look forward to continuing to spend this precious time with my daughter for many years to come!  I believe I am helping her appreciate her curls when I show her that I appreciate them myself. 

I will never be able to (nor could I even try to) convince all those curious people to understand and appreciate the reasons why we do what we do to care for Hope's hair and how I really feel about it (blessed, not burdened).  What I will do, instead, is focus on being sure Hope knows.  I believe she does, for if you were to ask her why her mommy takes care of her hair, she would tell you, "Because she loves me!"

p.s. Coming soon... how Hope's hair looked for her very first school picture day! 

Connor's Testimony

In my last post, I shared my son Geoffrey's story (thanks, Geoffrey, for opening up so bravely) and that of the young man, Connor, who inspired the Matthew West song, "To Me."  The issue of bullying is one that is very personal to me.  It breaks my heart to see the impact that some people can have on other people when they try to keep others down to make themselves feel more important or better somehow.  That really is what bullying is... at any age or any stage of life. 

I experienced a very unexpected blessing this week when I actually had the occastion to meet Connor's mom, Michelle.  She shared with me a video of Connor's testimony, and I am pleased to share it with you here.

I repeat my prayer that this world becomes a more accepting place for us all.

Geoffrey's Story

I have already shared (here) about some of ways I felt impacted by my experiences at the recent concert event featuring Matthew West.  Something I didn't talk about there was how the "Mom" part of me was so moved by the story of a young man and his struggles to overcome bullying.  Connor's story affected me so deeply because of my own son's story.

First, click here to read Connor's story~

Connor and his mother both appeared at the concert, and Connor spoke so bravely to the audience about his experiences being bullied.  He appealed to those gathered to choose their words more carefully and to realize they may be the only Jesus some people ever meet.  He also expressed that basic, simple longing we all have when he spoke of the desire to just be accepted for who he is. 

This is the song, "To Me," that Matthew was inspired to write after reading Connor's story as told by his mother~

The part of the song that I hope my own son will always take to heart, besides the loving words of the chorus, is:

"So go on and dream bigger dreams

than this town's ever seen before.

There are just two kinds of people:

One's who say 'You're just not able,'

And the ones who change the world.

And you're gonna change the world."

This evening, Geoffrey was working on an essay for a class at school, in which he had to write about a time he had a problem.  He brought his essay to me and asked me to read it.  I couldn't stop my tears when I read what he had written about his problem... the problem was being bullied.

Here is Geoffrey's story (in his own words)~

"Over the years, many people have teased me. It started at ----- in fourth grade. There were many bullies there. All throughout that year people were mean to me, especially at recess. The teachers hardly did anything about it. It was a very hard year for me.

In fifth grade it just got worse. Whenever I tried to play football I was either the last one picked or people would push me back and forth saying “You get Geoffrey.” “No! I don’t want him, YOU take him.” Even when people finally accepted me on their team, they NEVER passed the ball to me.  Finally, I transferred to -----. Some kids were nice to me, but some just didn’t accept me. I got to go in the relay to compete against the kids from ----- and -----.

This year I came back to -----. Sadly, kids bullied me. By the second day of school, most boys began teasing me. They made up a very annoying nickname, Geofryfry. Even though I expressed I didn’t like it, they continued it, but with more force. I had asked teachers to tell them to stop, and even though the teachers told those boys to stop, they just kept going and said I was a tattle-tail. Finally some kids started sticking up for me. They were N- and K-. One day when a few kids were teasing me at the lockers, N- told them to stop. Since N- is seen as a front-runner, they just walked away. A few days later at lunch, kids were throwing seeds at me. Some filled up a Gatorade with a bunch of gross stuff and slammed it on my table right in front of me while singing “Happy Birthday”. K- then told me “I don’t know what is wrong with these people. You are really cool.” Sadly, at soccer kids started calling me Geofryfry. I got so angry, I considered quitting. But my mom told me to keep at it, so I did.

The next day I told my mom what was going on at school. She sent a huge email to Mr. H-. It included everything that had been going on, plus a whole lot of details. Later that day, Mr. H- had a talk with every sixth grade boy. Sadly, kids still were mean to me. They even bullied me on the same day! Some kids just wanted to push me down and just make me feel miserable. Kids bullied me a ton when I was in the boy’s locker room for gym. One of them even said: “Tell all you want! We won’t get in trouble!” But one day, for some reason, several of the kids stopped bullying me. Since I had prayed for them the night before, I thought that God had answered my prayer.

Now kids are still mean to me. But I know several people who don’t listen to other people’s ideas of me. They accept me for who I am. But the ones who started were N- and K-, and I will always trust them. I learned that it doesn’t matter what people who bully you think. All that matters is a few friends that accept you for who you are."

My son, Geoffrey, is definitely someone who is going to change this world.  He is an exceptional person.  It has pained this Mother's Heart over these last few years to witness his struggle. 

I pray he will find the acceptance he seeks... from our Lord and within himself. 

And I pray this world becomes a more accepting place for us all.

the place i am going

All this week (well, not just this week, right?) I've been working through some important issues.  I've been struggling to decide what...how...how much to share here on my blog.  See, this is a personal space for me, but it is also a public forum.  Anyone, anywhere can read the words I commit to this space.  And, so, there are probably few words I will actually share here to describe the place I have been, but I will talk about the place I am going.

In addition to the challenges of my waking hours, my dreaming mind has also been holding on to a lot of past hurts and fears.  It has been a hard week (again... well,not just this week, right?). 

But last night, with my two best friends at a very special concert, I felt God directing me to let go.  I could feel Him telling me that He knows I didn't know what His plans were, but that His plans were still good.  That I don't need those hurts and fears of the past.  That I can truly move forward.  That my only job then was to be obedient, and that was what I did.  That letting go is not the same thing as failing or giving up.  Rather, in the letting go, I am just letting God take over.  I have done my part, and my part is done. 

One of the songs that spoke to me very powerfully was "Say My Name" by an artist I had never previously heard, Lindsay McCaul.  Here were the words that really grabbed my attention:

"Looking back for one more glance

never made a second chance,

I cradle the pain; regret that remains.

I play it over and over, differently

But it's over 'cause You said I am free.

You say my name

and tell me I can walk away

from all my fears and yesterday

I can hear You calling.

You say my name

and tell me there's a better place,

Lead me to Your sweet embrace..."

Another song that really resonated withing me was "We Are the Broken," by Matthew West.  Here are a few of those words:

"Most my life I’ve been doing my best to

Try and hide anything less than perfect

I covered up all my scars

I gotta make them think I’ve got it together

Make believe nobody ever has to see

What I keep in the dark

Truth is, I was wrong

That’s the part that you have wanted all along.

We are, we are, we are the broken

But we are, we are, we are the chosen

So come on shine, shine, shine

Your beautiful light

Through the cracks inside our hearts tonight

‘Cause we are, we are, we are the broken"

See, the place I have been has been has been broken, and the place I am going... the place God is leading me...that is a place of healing.  If you look for them, you would probably still be able to see those broken lines, but if you look closer you can see they are mending by God's own hand.

more from halloween

Earlier this week, Hope's class had a fun time going on a parade around the building in their costumes.  So cute!

Also ealier this week, rather than carving pumpkins (seriously with a 3 year old in the house that doesn't seem so smart), we opted to pick up some miniature pumpkins and paint them.  We had a nice time, and everyone had their own ideas about how/what to paint.

Here's the before:

Here is during:

And here is the after:

trick or treat

Well, it certainly wasn't the warmest evening to head out trick-or-treating with the kids last night.  Not only was it cold (upper 30s/low 40s) but it was windy.  The one consolation was that the persistent rains of the last couple of days did let up at last, so at least we weren't cold and wet.  But we were definitely cold. 

Regardless, fun was had by all... and I do mean all of us.  We had each selected our costumes weeks ago.  The kids and I even managed to talk their dad into dressing up, too!  The girls decided on being fairies... Hope's costume was complete with dress and wand as well as fairy wings, where I simply wore fairy wings (over several layers of shirts/sweaters).  Geoffrey went as Luke Skywalker.  And what exactly did the kids and I talk dad into wearing?  Superman!  (Well... a Clark Kent/Superman combination at least.)