Who I Am

So, if you follow this blog you certainly know I am a mom.  My kids are all over this "Blessed Life" of mine.  I love my kids, I really do.  I love to be with them, do things with them, photograph them, talk about them, and feature them (okay, show them off) here. 

My identity is certainly firmly rooted in being "Geoffrey and Hope's Mom."  But I learned long ago that being Mom cannot be my only identity.  Someday my kids will grow up and leave for adventures of their own, and I need to know who I am apart from them.  So I am always careful to include my own personal time in my daily life.  I have my own interests, concerns, and passions that make me "Me."  

Over the last couple of years it became more difficult to balance the needs of my family with my own need for that sense of "Me" due to the challenges we were facing.  In the midst of that time, though, God brought me a most unexpected adventure, something I never would have dreamed up for myself.  A year ago last April, the choir director at our church was becoming ordained as a Deacon and announced that he was going to be giving up direction of the choir. 

Let me back up a bit here... we have been, for the last 8 years or so, attending a small Catholic church which historically began as African American, and now is a blessedly diverse community of faith which has been shaped by African American traditions and culture.  We have a Gospel choir, which I have been singing in for years, but certainly never imagined myself doing anything more than that.  But I love this church, and I love this choir, and so when our now Deacon expressed the need for someone to take over leadership of the choir I felt compelled to speak to him about it.  What I told him then, some 15 months ago, was that I would be willing to help out--"fill in"--until someone was found.  I should also say that I had no, and I mean no, experience directing a choir before.  (I don't think playing the part of Whoopi Goldberg from the movie "Sister Act" in a skit counts.  ...And yes, I did do that once, but that is a-whole-nother story!) 

And so, I began "filling in," and ultimately, the director my church found was surprisingly to me--Me!  Never could I have imagined that God had chosen this path for me, but I am grateful and happy to be in this position.  Each week I try to plan music that is suitable both for the liturgy and scripture readings, and for the traditions and culture of our church community, and then I direct the choir on Sunday mornings. 

Several months ago, another opportunity came along.  Members of our church would be attending the National Black Catholic Congress, which was meeting in Indianapolis in July, and our choir was able to participate in a Congress Choir, directed by Aaron Thompson, who is also a talented singer and musician.  The Congress Choir was made up of singers from around the country and led by a fantastic group of musicians, including pianist Thomas W. Jefferson.  One of the featured singers was W. Clifford Petty, and he was phenomenal.  (Seriously, check out these names I've mentioned on iTunes, or elsewhere online... they are fabulous!)  And so I participated with a number of others from my church choir, singing some wonderful music at Mass (and learning some pieces I intend to try to bring back home to our church). 

The first night of Congress, a Gospel Concert was scheduled, and once again God had a most surprising opportunity for me, and our choir.  I had been previously invited to submit two song selections that our choir could sing at the Concert.  Since we only brought 8 singers (including myself), Aaron extended an invitation to the Congress Choir members to join us.  I was an admitted nervous wreck for a portion of the day, as I thought about directing such a large group, not to mention the band, which would also include Aaron playing guitar.  Mostly what I kept reflecting on was a sense of wondering:  "Why me?  Why am I here to do this?"  I was filled with a sense of my own lack of qualification to be in this position.  In the end, I accepted the wise advice of my friend Annie, who told me "Nikki, you just do Nikki!" and I began to calm myself by remembering the prayer I often offer before Mass each week, "Thank You Lord for another opportunity to serve You."  Minutes before the start of the concert, I had a moment to talk with my former choir director, Deacon Mel, and I told him of my 'qualification' issues.  He said to me, "But, Nikki, haven't you heard?  God doesn't call the qualified.  He qualifies the called... and you have been called."

And so I carried these words onto the stage with me, and truly enjoyed the opportunity God had gifted me with... simply another opportunity to serve Him.  The piece I directed, "Friend of God" by Israel Houghton, was certainly well received by the audience, and it was a joy to see the smiles on the faces of the singers in front of me.  Our second piece, "I Need You to Survive" by Hezekiah Walker, was actually directed by Deacon Mel because I was singing it (!) with my friend Tina.  What a privilege! 

Hope in the audience,
with Tina's son Jonathon

I am so grateful, and blessed to have discovered something new about who I am... not as I see myself, but as God sees me.  May I always seek and accept the opportunities He presents me, opportunities to serve Him and become more of who He intends me to be.